Band on the Run
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Larry Koopa goes overboard


"Deploy anchors!" Larry grittily rasped into the microphone.

"Bro, time to do this," said a Hammer Bro to his partner.

The partner began to sweat profusely. He wiped his brow and gripped the lever. "Are we sure this is okay, Bro?"

"Don't ask questions, Bro." He gripped his lever and the two pulled down in unison.

The anchor were sent hurtling towards Mushroom Kingdom's gentle plains. Chaos was inbound.

Goombas, Koopas, Shy Guys, Boos, and Lakitu denizens climbed out of the airborne battleship and began their march towards Toad Town.

Toadsworth watched the impending doom from his spyglass. "This is madness…"

"We're doomed without Mario…" said a Toad with a quivering lip.

Toadsworth took of the Toad's lips and placed them in between his soles. He compressed the two mouth halves with all his might. The ritual had begun.

Bowser's Minions knocked down the city gates and invaded, slaughtering masses with their intense mania with no remorse.

"For the brotherhood," mumbled a Goomba as he drove his sword deep into a pumpkin. The Toads wept in horror as the violence continued. All crops were plowed by Chain Chomps. Every edge of the sky was filled with the black smoke of fire Bill Blasters and Snifit snouts. The floors were littered with the bloodstained footprints of the enemy.

"Why must you?" asked Jorge T. as Goombario stood above him with a plasma cannon clenched tightly between his teeth.

"For the brotherhood…" Goombario replied to his old friend. He shot the shot. The dark deed had been done.

Toadsworth stepped outside, wearing his mighty luchador outfit with matching Mask of Power, Kanohii Pakari.

Larry brushed past his front lines and met eyes with the ancient source of greatness. "Toadsworth… I've waited a long time for this day…" He ripped the sleeves off of his leather jacket, baring his mighty biceps. He flexed, increasing the accentuation of his meaty pecs and abs. His quadriceps gleamed with pulsating veins as he took a heavy step further.

"Hold the line…" Toadsworth said with keen authority as he got into his battle stance. "Love isn't always on time…"

"Brace yourself, oldie. I'm gonna make your life a living nightmare for the last moments before entering the next dimension…"

Toadsworth roared and charged forward, he exchanged blows with Larry and delivered a sick flurry of pressure-point punches down Larry's shelled spine.

Larry spat out his eggplant sandwich and it lay upon the ground, soiled and muddled with rot. Hump T. and Dump T. toddled forth and extracted the sandwich, placing it on a pedestal at the outskirts of Toad Town and worshipping it. A mighty demon named Humbaba emerged from the unholy flames.

"What fool awakens me from my eternal slumber?" roared the beast.

"Oy, we need ya to take on these Koopa blokes, mate," said Hump T.

"Bruh," said Dump T.

"I would normally decline the wishes of mortals. However, this call to promote destruction greatly piques my interest. I will slay this army in your honour, ye of the capped noggins," Humbaba said as he plodded towards Toad Town and inserted himself into Toadsworth and Larry's battle.

"Nani!?" cried Toadsworth in Spanish.

"What!?" cried Larry in Basic Python.

"What's up, meatbags?" Humbaba laughed heartily. He laid waste to the entire village with the fiery lashes of his mighty tongue.

"What a mess…" Toadsworth muttered as he readied his Kienzen. He fired the projectile at the deadly deity.

Humbaba ate the Kienzen and it tasted like pizza.

Larry could not believe his muscular eyes. He was now face-to-face with one of the most dangerous artifacts of the gods. "This cannot end this way!" cried the Koopaling. He prepared his jellyfishing net Ol' Reliable and shot a deadly laser at Humbaba. It was deflected as well.

"Dang my whole entire stinking hotcakes!" roared Larry as he lit his wristbands on fire and then dove into Humbaba's throat. He obliterated the nightmare from the inside out. Securing his unrighteous pancreas and infusing it into his own terrapin system. Larry Koopa's muscles grew three sizes that day.

"Excellent," Grin T. grinned as he watched the evolution of the Koopa Kid's deadly ferocity.

"Grin, you cannot be certain of this…" his loving wife Martha T. said in astonished tears while clutching tightly their really cool baby Paul McCartney.

"Indeed, female spouse," Grin T. seethed with rude teeth. "I summoned Larry to the battlegrounds, providing him with the maps and the necessary means of covert manoeuvers."

"Why would you do such a horrible thing, my love!?"

Grin T. looked to the chaotic skies of Toadsworth and Larry duking it out like two supernatural guardians of truth and ideals. The black smoke belching forth from Humbaba's smoldering corpse lined the firmament like a shroud of impurities and woe. He turned to his wife and held out a calloused, greasy hand. "I did it for us, my dearest…"

"OH MEXICO! IT SOUNDS SO SWEET!" roared Toadsworth as he dug his foot into Larry's cranium following an explosive kick of five-billion megatons.

Larry struck back with a ravenous chomp that tore off Toadsworth's left arm. He slurped the limb up like a mushroom-flavoured noodle. "…With the sun sinking low…" he smirked.

Toadsworth gripped Larry by the collar with his other hand and headbutted the vile prince with a force to be reckoned with. The two both went unconscious from the head-on collision and fell to the dusty charred earth below. They were instantly swallowed up by the Sarlacc that had been growing under Toad Town for the past 1,000 years.

Toadsworth and Larry awoke side by side in the void. They turned to one another and continued to do battle for all eternity, as they no longer existed within the realm of reality. Time was no more, and therefore their battle would have no end, nor was it even conceptual to say it even began. Entropy had overrun the fierce rivalry between both parties and the cosmos would be rocked to their cores by the sheer magnitude of the ethereal wraith of life versus death.

**FIN**


End file.
